1
00:00:02,950 --> 00:00:04,950
So you dating someone at the hospital?
2
00:00:05,550 --> 00:00:06,550
Which hospital?
3
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:10,250
You dating people at
more than one hospital?
4
00:00:10,450 --> 00:00:12,450
I'm dating multiple people
at multiple hospitals!
5
00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:14,950
How do you do that?
6
00:00:15,050 --> 00:00:15,950
(Laugh)
7
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,650
I spend a long time in hospital, man!
8
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:18,850
(Music)
9
00:00:18,850 --> 00:00:21,450
- Do you all know about each other?
- Of course, I'm promiscuous not dishonest.
10
00:00:21,450 --> 00:00:24,950
Eh eh, you boys need to
clean up those mailboxes,
11
00:00:24,950 --> 00:00:28,950
there are over flowing with
detritus. It's slovenly.
12
00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:31,320
Hank, there's a Jet Magazine in your slot.
13
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,220
With skinny Oprah on the cover.
14
00:00:33,220 --> 00:00:34,950
She ain't been skinny since '09.
15
00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:35,950
I don't get Jet Magazine.
16
00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:38,850
I don't get Skinny Oprah, I like her plump.
17
00:00:39,350 --> 00:00:40,850
Go on, clean them out now!
18
00:00:40,850 --> 00:00:42,310
It'd be great if you could do it soon.
19
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,900
The whole thing's really kicking
off Stats' counting disorder.
20
00:00:44,950 --> 00:00:47,450
64, 65, 66, 67...
21
00:00:47,550 --> 00:00:49,680
There are 67 pieces of
mail in your slot, Henry.
22
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,320
Okay, damn. Damn, girl.
23
00:00:51,590 --> 00:00:52,820
Look, look, look, look.
24
00:00:52,890 --> 00:00:54,120
So that's... that's done.
25
00:00:54,190 --> 00:00:55,590
Hey, you happy?
26
00:00:55,660 --> 00:00:57,420
Okay, yeah, that's good. Thank you, Henry.
27
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,430
Mm-hmm.
28
00:00:58,490 --> 00:01:00,190
Well, look at this.
29
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,830
This is fancy.
30
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,070
Personal and hand-lettered,
Henry St. Clare.
31
00:01:05,130 --> 00:01:06,230
Hmm, calligraphy.
32
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,570
Yeah.
33
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,470
- Someone's getting married.
- Who?
34
00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:11,940
Oh, someone who doesn't
have my current home address
35
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,210
or cell number.
36
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:15,080
Someone who cheated on me with that busboy.
37
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:17,850
Someone who I could care
absolutely less about.
38
00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:19,850
- Jeff the chef, holy shit.
- Mm-hmm.
39
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,120
Is he marrying the busboy?
40
00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:24,950
No, he's marrying Alejandro.
41
00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:26,820
Oh, my God, he's marrying your brother?
42
00:01:26,890 --> 00:01:28,460
No.
43
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,660
Your cousin? That's so...
44
00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:32,960
Oh, my.
45
00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:35,670
Brian could you get me a hand
in the supply closet please?
46
00:01:35,730 --> 00:01:36,370
I kinda want to be here
47
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,870
to offer Hank some emotional support.
48
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:39,200
Brian, supply closet, now.
49
00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:40,910
If it's any consolation,
I think that your eyes
50
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:43,470
are way more soulful than Alejandro's.
51
00:01:43,540 --> 00:01:46,940
And your mailbox is clean, so there's that.
52
00:01:47,010 --> 00:01:48,980
Look, I know this sucks right now,
53
00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:51,180
but this to shall pass.
54
00:01:51,250 --> 00:01:53,580
- Deuce.
- What?
55
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:55,720
- Can I call you "son"?
- No.
56
00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:56,890
Well, I'm doing it anyway
57
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,360
'cause this is a father-son type talk.
58
00:01:58,420 --> 00:02:00,860
Son, this guy ale-what's-his-face
59
00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,660
may look like you,
60
00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:04,700
but whoever the hell he is
he ain't got what you got.
61
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:05,760
Which is?
62
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:07,130
Your freedom.
63
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,230
You can date all the boys
in Boystown if you want.
64
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,370
You'd be exhausted, but you could do it.
65
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,340
This is your touching, important
66
00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:15,570
father-son type message?
67
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,370
God damn it, I'm new to this shit.
68
00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,410
And I'm not finished yet.
69
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,180
This just goes to show how great you are,
70
00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:24,750
that this chef asshole is marrying a guy
71
00:02:24,820 --> 00:02:26,450
who's the spitting image of you.
72
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,850
I mean, you are such a prize
73
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,290
that he went and found himself
74
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,460
a God damn Hank St. Clare clone.
75
00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:35,730
- How was that?
- Not bad.
76
00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:37,230
You know what, Cash? You're right.
77
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,530
You can call me "Pops".
78
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,330
Jeff is marrying the
discount version of me.
79
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,870
- Mm-hmm.
- Or big papi.
80
00:02:41,930 --> 00:02:44,770
And do you remember how
pretentious Jeff could be?
81
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:45,970
Oh, with his French fusion cuisine
82
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,140
and God damn Asian opera bullshit.
83
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,670
You just know Jeff and his
little fake-ass Hank husband
84
00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:52,540
gonna be one of those annoying couples
85
00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:55,010
that adopts, like, six kids
from different countries,
86
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,450
names 'em shit like Bryce and Tristan.
87
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,620
In Kenya the father
figure is called "Baba".
88
00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,420
Big Baba.
89
00:03:02,490 --> 00:03:03,690
Try it on.
90
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,820
I did, don't fit.
91
00:03:04,890 --> 00:03:06,160
Hey.
92
00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:08,650
Guess who I just got a
wedding invitation from.
93
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,230
Oh, uh, let me guess.
94
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,860
Uh, your college roommate
who you just had to set up
95
00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:14,570
with my best friend, Hank,
who then cheated on him,
96
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:16,070
broke his heart, and
basically ruined last summer?
97
00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,040
- You got an invite too?
- No, Hank did.
98
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,640
Shit! That is what I was afraid of.
99
00:03:20,710 --> 00:03:22,410
I mean, he's basically marrying Hank,
100
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:23,410
if Hank had a prettier name.
101
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,280
- I know.
- Is he okay?
102
00:03:25,340 --> 00:03:26,910
I mean if the wedding is this weekend.
103
00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:27,810
How tacky is that?
104
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,210
Damn tacky, son.
105
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,380
And look at this invitation.
106
00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:31,780
Really, bitch, calligraphy?
107
00:03:31,850 --> 00:03:33,480
Shit ain't even got proper margins.
108
00:03:33,550 --> 00:03:34,650
- Look at that.
- Uh, soso.
109
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:35,920
It could go either way.
110
00:03:35,990 --> 00:03:37,890
Hey, do me a favor.
111
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:39,420
If we ever break up for real some day,
112
00:03:39,490 --> 00:03:40,590
and you meet my dead ringer and marry him,
113
00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:42,460
will you invite me to the wedding. I
want to see what I look like in a tux.
114
00:03:42,830 --> 00:03:44,130
There is no way I'd waste 50 bucks
115
00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:44,960
on a steak dinner for you.
116
00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:46,400
I'll order the chicken.
117
00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:49,400
[Hip-hop music]
118
00:03:49,470 --> 00:03:57,410
♪ ♪
119
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,290
[Static crackling]
120
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:12,020
[Laughter and chatter]
121
00:04:12,090 --> 00:04:13,590
I don't even understand
122
00:04:13,660 --> 00:04:16,330
why gay guys want to get married.
123
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,930
I mean, we had a sweet
deal in the old days.
124
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,000
Dance, drink, screw.
125
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,060
Shop, eat, screw someone else.
126
00:04:22,130 --> 00:04:24,270
Drink, dance, go see Madonna.
127
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,270
Screw some backup dancer for Madonna.
128
00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:28,170
No kids, no rings, no divorce.
129
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:29,540
It was perfect.
130
00:04:29,610 --> 00:04:32,240
Other than the Madonna
stuff, it sounds pretty good.
131
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:35,240
On top of which, I won this battle.
132
00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:37,250
Bitch is marrying a
brother look just like me.
133
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:38,350
Who the hell misses who here?
134
00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:40,120
- Am I right?
- (All) Yeah.
135
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,680
You are gorgeous.
136
00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:43,090
And unlike your partner over here,
137
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,450
a great dancer.
138
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:45,690
And a free man.
139
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,190
- You're a real catch, Hank.
- Yeah.
140
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,730
- You know what, you right.
- Mm-hmm
141
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:50,360
I'm the goddamn catch of the county,
142
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:51,460
and I'm taking this fine black ass
143
00:04:51,530 --> 00:04:52,660
to my favorite pickup joint.
144
00:04:52,730 --> 00:04:54,370
Gay bar down the street.
145
00:04:54,430 --> 00:04:55,430
Yep, called the hospital.
146
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,000
Donnie, the cute Puerto Rican doctor,
147
00:04:57,070 --> 00:04:58,340
gets off at 11:00.
148
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:00,240
And I'm gonna make him my patient tonight.
149
00:05:00,310 --> 00:05:01,240
Ooh.
150
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:02,870
- Or vice versa.
- Nice.
151
00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:04,640
And you guys are coming
back from that wedding
152
00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:05,610
with a full report on Alejandro,
153
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,880
who I'm betting will be a very sissified,
154
00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:10,180
prissy version of moi.
155
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:12,550
Ooh.
156
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:15,020
Au revoir.
157
00:05:15,090 --> 00:05:17,520
Hey, you cannot go to that wedding.
158
00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:18,760
He's hurting inside.
159
00:05:18,820 --> 00:05:20,290
I know, I gotta stay and keep watch,
160
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,690
but that's why you've gotta go
161
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,260
and report back that
this Alejandro character
162
00:05:24,330 --> 00:05:26,130
is a shitty dancer, five-feet tall,
163
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,430
and basically a chick with a dick.
164
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:27,900
Fine.
165
00:05:27,970 --> 00:05:29,830
Hey, Theresa, if you need
a plus one for the wedding,
166
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:30,940
I'd be happy to join you.
167
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,340
- Whatever.
- Boom.
168
00:05:33,410 --> 00:05:34,740
That okay with you?
169
00:05:34,810 --> 00:05:36,570
Yeah, of course.
170
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,510
Are you guys dating?
171
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,110
Both: No!
172
00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:41,150
Brian loves weddings.
173
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:42,850
I study them.
174
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,480
- Seen all the movies.
- Every one.
175
00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:46,650
My only problem with four
weddings and a funeral
176
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,720
was that it wasn't called
five weddings and no funeral.
177
00:05:49,790 --> 00:05:52,760
Plus I know how to do the foxtrot.
178
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:55,730
Well, this is gonna be a hip gay wedding.
179
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:57,730
You know, they're not gonna be dancing
180
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,030
to roll out the barrel, so...
181
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,130
Actually, that's a polka.
182
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,940
But I know how to do that too.
183
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,700
So we are covered.
184
00:06:05,770 --> 00:06:07,200
I have surprisingly strong calves.
185
00:06:07,270 --> 00:06:09,570
- I can dance all night.
- Cool.
186
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,840
I'll be your dance insurance.
187
00:06:10,910 --> 00:06:12,180
- Ooh.
- [Laughter]
188
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,080
No, honestly, he makes you sign something.
189
00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:15,550
- I will.
- It's really intimidating.
190
00:06:15,610 --> 00:06:17,850
- A waiver?
- Just for just both our safety.
191
00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:22,850
So, how was last night?
192
00:06:22,980 --> 00:06:24,660
- Fantastic.
- Good.
193
00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:27,530
Doctor had a Puerto Rican
flag tattoo on his ass.
194
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:30,100
Way we would go, I had expect to wake up
195
00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:32,500
to find Puerto Rico just
off the coast of New Jersey.
196
00:06:32,570 --> 00:06:33,870
- [Laughing]
- Well, I'm glad you're doing well.
197
00:06:33,930 --> 00:06:35,440
Never been better, man.
198
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,240
Never been better.
199
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:38,970
What the name of the guy
Jeff's marrying again?
200
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,340
- Oh, Alejandro.
- Alejandro.
201
00:06:41,410 --> 00:06:42,710
Alejandro.
202
00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:44,010
Saturday, you and me, bro.
203
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,980
Two seats on the glass, Blackhawks Bruins.
204
00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:48,180
Yeah, way better than
going to a dumb wedding.
205
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,520
Is that the same day as the wedding?
206
00:06:50,580 --> 00:06:52,020
Oh, I had no idea.
207
00:06:52,090 --> 00:06:53,850
Wow, I'm so shallow.
208
00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:57,390
Well, he sent you an invitation.
209
00:06:57,460 --> 00:07:00,490
Chicago North ambulance
needed, Lincoln Park.
210
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,360
Ambulance 14 responding.
211
00:07:02,430 --> 00:07:04,130
I knew when the damn
wedding was. I'm not go...
212
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,300
I'm just saying, he sent you an invitation.
213
00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:07,900
Hit me flush.
214
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,670
God damn direct hit.
215
00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,540
And just to be clear, it
was a softball, correct?
216
00:07:11,610 --> 00:07:13,570
Yeah, and my nuts feel like they're
217
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,140
about a million degrees right now.
218
00:07:15,210 --> 00:07:16,480
I'm sorry.
219
00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,380
What kind of a pitch was that, Greg?
220
00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:19,810
It's slow pitch, man.
221
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:21,550
That was a freaking laser beam.
222
00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:22,720
All right, sir.
223
00:07:22,780 --> 00:07:24,320
Drop your pants. Let me examine the injury.
224
00:07:24,390 --> 00:07:25,550
- Right here?
- The sooner you drop 'em,
225
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:26,920
the sooner we can get you fixed up.
226
00:07:26,990 --> 00:07:28,560
No need to worry, sir.
It's a common sports injury.
227
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,260
It hurts like hell,
but nine times outta ten
228
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:32,690
it's just a little... oh, my God.
229
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:33,360
What?
230
00:07:33,430 --> 00:07:34,460
Oh, my God, I don't believe this.
231
00:07:34,530 --> 00:07:35,760
What's wrong with my balls?
232
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,100
I can't do this.
233
00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:38,700
What's wrong with my balls?
234
00:07:39,170 --> 00:07:41,070
Am I gonna lose my balls? Oh, my God!
235
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:42,570
- Just calm down.
- What does that mean?
236
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:43,800
You're gonna be fine. Just calm down.
237
00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:45,910
He said... what did he mean?
238
00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:47,170
It's a bruise.
239
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:47,980
You're gonna be fine.
240
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,140
Now we could take you to the urologist,
241
00:07:49,210 --> 00:07:50,440
but between the doctor and the nurse
242
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:51,750
that's just two more people
that are gonna see your junk.
243
00:07:52,410 --> 00:07:54,310
Your best bet is to ice
it down for 20 minutes
244
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,420
and walk it off.
245
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,720
Brian, handle this.
246
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:59,820
But I've never seen one of these before.
247
00:07:59,890 --> 00:08:02,360
Hi.
248
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,460
What I meant was I've never dealt
249
00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:05,790
with this particular injury.
250
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,960
I've obviously seen penises before.
251
00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:12,770
Not a lot. Mostly mine.
252
00:08:12,830 --> 00:08:15,070
And old guys at the gym.
253
00:08:15,140 --> 00:08:16,800
What is it with old guys and nudity?
254
00:08:16,870 --> 00:08:18,970
- Yeah, right?
- Exactly.
255
00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:21,940
Shut up, Greg!
256
00:08:22,010 --> 00:08:25,110
Okay, I'm just gonna... right.
257
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:27,310
That guy's penis.
258
00:08:27,380 --> 00:08:28,680
Yeah?
259
00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:31,220
God, this is so stupid.
260
00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:32,820
Tell me, bro.
261
00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:36,560
That guy had the exact
same penis as Jeff the chef.
262
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,590
The exact same one.
263
00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:40,360
What the hell is that?
264
00:08:40,430 --> 00:08:42,130
Don't they all pretty much look the same?
265
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,860
Sometimes if there's a lot of guys involved
266
00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:45,900
and I'm drunk, yeah.
267
00:08:45,970 --> 00:08:48,170
But Jeff's, his was special.
268
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,740
I could pick his dick out
of a room full of dicks.
269
00:08:51,810 --> 00:08:54,040
We're a little outside of
my area of expertise here.
270
00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:56,040
I just wasn't expecting to see my past
271
00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,740
staring me in the face like that, John.
272
00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,980
God, shit.
273
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:02,320
What am I doing? Where am I going?
274
00:09:02,380 --> 00:09:03,650
What the hell is happening to me?
275
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,390
That invitation really messed me up, bro.
276
00:09:06,450 --> 00:09:08,720
I know.
277
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:12,360
I know.
278
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:14,660
Think Theresa could my dick
out of a room full of dicks?
279
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:17,060
Hank, we got a call from your mom.
280
00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:18,530
She needs help at the house.
281
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:19,630
Gotta be kidding me.
282
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,130
We're on it.
283
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,440
Remind her that dispatch
284
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,170
1sn't svpp0s3d t0 b3
vs3d f0r p3rsonal calls.
285
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,410
Okay, Roger that. We got it.
286
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:27,410
Listen, you got this.
287
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,640
Look at me. You got this.
288
00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:31,680
- It's just that she...
- Okay, we got it!
289
00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:33,310
Brian, let's roll. We're wheels up.
290
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:34,850
Stop playing with that guy's balls.
291
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,080
There's my baby.
292
00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:38,080
Hey, mama.
293
00:09:38,150 --> 00:09:39,350
Hey, mama Saint.
294
00:09:39,420 --> 00:09:41,420
- Hi, Johnny.
- We can't stay long.
295
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:42,860
You need something fixed, mama Saint?
296
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,720
Oh, no, I don't need you boys
297
00:09:44,790 --> 00:09:45,760
to do any chores for me today.
298
00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:47,360
But a little bird just told me
299
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:48,800
about Jeff the chef,
300
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:50,400
and I had to check in with my baby.
301
00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:52,170
Who told you about that?
302
00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:54,130
Sorry, Deuce, your mom gave me some wine.
303
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,600
I just started kinda
running off at the mouth.
304
00:09:56,670 --> 00:09:59,310
Cassius told me that you're
not going to the wedding.
305
00:09:59,370 --> 00:10:01,370
- Is that true?
- Yes.
306
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,180
Henry St. Clare, you are absolutely
307
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,680
going to that wedding.
308
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,980
You will not hang your head in shame.
309
00:10:07,050 --> 00:10:09,120
This is a proud family.
310
00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:10,480
And you are a proud black man.
311
00:10:10,550 --> 00:10:13,420
You do not run away from
situations such as this.
312
00:10:13,490 --> 00:10:15,620
You're gonna walk in there
with your head held high,
313
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:18,060
and you're gonna shine
like a precious stone.
314
00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,860
Sit in the front, smile the biggest,
315
00:10:19,930 --> 00:10:21,190
sing the loudest.
316
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:22,660
And if the preacher asks,
317
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,800
"does anyone object to this wedding?"
318
00:10:24,870 --> 00:10:29,400
You're gonna stand up and
say, "hell, no, I don't."
319
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:32,910
Henry, promise me you'll go to the wedding.
320
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:34,310
Mom, I'm not going!
321
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,310
Hank, your mama asked
you to make a promise.
322
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:37,710
Now I know I'm not your daddy,
323
00:10:37,780 --> 00:10:39,480
but I do sit at the head of the table,
324
00:10:39,550 --> 00:10:42,080
and I do get the extra piece
of meat when there is one.
325
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:43,920
We're watching our cholesterol.
326
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:46,520
Mine's supposed to be
up over 200 or something.
327
00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:49,990
Half the programs on
the DVR are my programs.
328
00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:52,130
I got about six pairs
of drawers in the dryer.
329
00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:53,360
Where was I going with this?
330
00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:54,630
Help me out.
331
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:56,500
You were telling him to go to the wedding.
332
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,330
Yeah, that'sight do what your mama said.
333
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,370
Go to that wedding tomorrow
and shine like a gem.
334
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,040
Just make the promise,
son, and make it now.
335
00:11:05,110 --> 00:11:07,110
Fine, I'll go. Bye, mama.
336
00:11:07,170 --> 00:11:09,010
See?
337
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,140
What'd I tell you? Father figure.
338
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:13,010
Oh, he's not going, padre.
339
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,150
He's just saying that to shut you up.
340
00:11:15,220 --> 00:11:16,920
- You are?
- Yep.
341
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:19,390
We're going to the Blackhawks Bruins game.
342
00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:20,520
Bye, mama.
343
00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:21,820
Damn!
344
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,120
What's wrong with these kids today?
345
00:11:24,190 --> 00:11:27,360
Oh, shut up and let's
have ourselves a good day.
346
00:11:27,430 --> 00:11:29,530
That's what I'm talking about.
347
00:11:32,830 --> 00:11:34,830
And ready for a game.
348
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:35,980
- Oh, yeah, beers.
- Fights.
349
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,550
- Body checks.
- ***.
350
00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:38,690
Patrick Kane.
351
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:40,950
Patrick Kane's eyes and his ass.
352
00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:42,660
Okay. Okay, just this once
353
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,360
I will talk to you about
Patrick Kane's eyes and his ass,
354
00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:47,460
because today I'm gonna be the
greatest wingman of all time.
355
00:11:47,530 --> 00:11:49,760
And tonight, I'm gonna get you laid.
356
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,270
Not that you need any help,
357
00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:52,530
'cause you can basically snap your fingers
358
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,740
and then 20 blowjobs
appear out of thin air.
359
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,070
What I wouldn't give to have your life.
360
00:11:57,140 --> 00:11:59,370
I mean, just all the one-night stands
361
00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:00,570
and casual sex.
362
00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,410
I mean, sex is never casual for me, ever.
363
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,910
Like, like ever.
364
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,110
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
365
00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:08,120
Where we going?
366
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:09,620
Wedding. I changed my mind.
367
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:10,650
I can't believe I'm saying this,
368
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:11,890
but it is an emergency.
369
00:12:11,950 --> 00:12:13,690
Three words: Patrick Kane's ass.
370
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,360
I feel like such a pussy
for running away from this.
371
00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:17,990
I'm 6'5", 220,
372
00:12:18,060 --> 00:12:19,860
and like my mama say,
we don't run from shiy.
373
00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:20,960
Wedding starts at 1:00.
374
00:12:21,030 --> 00:12:21,700
We can still make the reception.
375
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,030
I'm wearing a Stan Mikita T-shirt.
376
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,600
I got one of Jeff's old
suits back at the house.
377
00:12:24,670 --> 00:12:26,830
You know this thing's worth,
like, 50 bucks on eBay, right?
378
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,970
The suit I'm giving
you is worth a thousand.
379
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,970
I could use a new suit.
380
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,640
[Upbeat music]
381
00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:37,610
♪ ♪
382
00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,450
- How do I look?
- How do you wanna look?
383
00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:41,680
Cross between Sidney Pottier and Shaft.
384
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:43,480
Okay. Okay, I get that.
385
00:12:43,550 --> 00:12:45,290
Throw in a little Denzel stroll too.
386
00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:46,650
Hmm.
387
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,920
Agh, I wish I was black right now.
388
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,760
Hank!
389
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,460
You look fantastic.
390
00:12:52,530 --> 00:12:54,090
Holy shit, that dress is bangin'.
391
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,260
Thank you. My date Brian chose it.
392
00:12:56,330 --> 00:12:57,760
I gave her a few looks.
393
00:12:57,830 --> 00:13:00,330
- How do I look?
- Very, very handsome.
394
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,700
How was the ceremony?
395
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:03,200
Eh, I'd give it a "B".
396
00:13:03,270 --> 00:13:04,230
They read from Corinthians,
397
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:05,820
which couldn't be more cliché.
398
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:08,120
Their orchestra was way too
up-tempo, and processional.
399
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,170
It's like, let the thing breathe.
400
00:13:10,230 --> 00:13:11,970
- Am I right?
- You can tell me the truth.
401
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,640
Oh, my God, the whole thing was amazing.
402
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:14,740
A-plus-plus.
403
00:13:14,810 --> 00:13:15,810
I got the name of the coordinator.
404
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,310
- Brian.
- His name is Darren.
405
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,310
There he is.
406
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:22,480
You okay?
407
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:24,410
Never been better. Let's dance.
408
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:25,520
Whoa, I don't dance.
409
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:26,720
You are my date. You dancin'.
410
00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:29,890
No, come... no... no, I don't dance.
411
00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:31,250
I don't...
412
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,690
Another drink, my lady?
413
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:38,860
♪ ♪
414
00:13:38,930 --> 00:13:40,530
This is my first gay wedding.
415
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,830
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
416
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,070
- First gay wedding.
- Yeah, I heard.
417
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:47,700
I have to say, it's been
an absolutely pleasure.
418
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:48,910
That's great.
419
00:13:48,970 --> 00:13:50,370
I mean, straight weddings are fun too,
420
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,380
but there's something extra
special going on here today.
421
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,210
Yeah, it's called an open bar.
422
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,350
- [Chuckles]
- Awesome!
423
00:13:55,410 --> 00:13:56,750
First gay wedding joke.
424
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:59,380
Ugh, can we stop dancing now?
425
00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,690
Hey, look, I wanna be
having fun when Jeff sees me.
426
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,020
And I'm gonna be dancing like a freak
427
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:04,990
when he points me out to little Hank Jr.
428
00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:06,460
Relax. Just dance to the beat.
429
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,520
Don't dance to the words.
430
00:14:07,590 --> 00:14:08,660
That's what I've been doing,
431
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:10,090
and I still look like this.
432
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,670
I don't know what to do with my hands.
433
00:14:11,740 --> 00:14:13,500
Okay, maybe just try standing still.
434
00:14:13,510 --> 00:14:14,670
I'm not gonna be the assholes
435
00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:17,370
standing still in the
middle of the dance floor.
436
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,740
You know you're the only
guy I'd do this for, right?
437
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:20,140
Yes, yes, yes.
438
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:21,850
Come to Fernando.
439
00:14:21,910 --> 00:14:23,610
[Chuckles]
440
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,050
Uh, I'm not really a dancer.
441
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,720
Nonsense.
442
00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:29,190
Open your hips.
443
00:14:29,250 --> 00:14:30,190
What?
444
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,060
Open your hips.
445
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,060
Like this.
446
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:34,360
Eh.
447
00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:37,990
Release your body to the music.
448
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:39,600
[Laughs]
449
00:14:39,660 --> 00:14:42,030
Um, I'm not real...
450
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,200
What, you mean like that?
451
00:14:43,270 --> 00:14:45,270
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
452
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,900
Set your hips free,
453
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,440
let them fly, let them soar.
454
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:53,010
Just, uh... okay.
455
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:56,080
Okay, that kinda feels right.
456
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:57,580
- I open my hips.
- Open your hips.
457
00:14:57,650 --> 00:14:59,220
Okay, okay.
458
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,220
[Laughs]
459
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,280
Holy shit, I'm dancing.
460
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,750
Holy shit, he's dancing.
461
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:04,220
[Laughs]
462
00:15:04,290 --> 00:15:06,620
- Theresa, this is Keith.
- Hi, Keith.
463
00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:07,890
- Hello.
- How you doing?
464
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:08,590
Keith's here alone.
465
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:09,930
His boyfriend's at home watching the kids,
466
00:15:10,490 --> 00:15:12,060
Rufus and Monty.
467
00:15:12,130 --> 00:15:13,400
They're beagles, and they're adorable.
468
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:16,130
So check this out, Theresa.
Keith is also a cop.
469
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,530
Oh, really?
470
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:18,770
This was the cop friend
you were telling me about?
471
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,070
Theresa's the best cop in Chicago.
472
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:21,600
Oh, come on, Bri.
473
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:22,670
Well, I doubt that.
474
00:15:22,740 --> 00:15:23,810
Excuse me?
475
00:15:23,870 --> 00:15:25,410
Sweetheart...
476
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,080
You know what, we're at a wedding.
477
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:28,850
Let's not get into it.
478
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,580
No, don't hold back on my account.
479
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:31,750
Go on.
480
00:15:31,820 --> 00:15:34,220
- Being a cop is a man's job.
- Uh.
481
00:15:34,290 --> 00:15:35,420
I mean, you girls are great
482
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,520
for certain police procedural work.
483
00:15:37,590 --> 00:15:38,990
But for everyday, boots on the ground,
484
00:15:39,060 --> 00:15:40,990
front lines of crime stuff,
485
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:43,330
you're a liability.
486
00:15:43,390 --> 00:15:45,160
Oh.
487
00:15:45,230 --> 00:15:46,730
I see what happened.
488
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:47,800
You misunderstood.
489
00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:49,830
I said that Theresa was a good cop.
490
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,200
Not a terrible cop. You switched 'em.
491
00:15:52,270 --> 00:15:53,800
So what's your deal?
492
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,440
You're a misogynistic gay cop?
493
00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:57,970
Nope, I'm a realist.
494
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,040
Huh.
495
00:15:59,110 --> 00:16:03,180
How great are firemen though?
496
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:06,320
[Laughs]
497
00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:09,550
[Latin music]
498
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:10,790
Hey, you doing okay?
499
00:16:10,860 --> 00:16:12,690
I'm doing great. I'm doing great.
500
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:13,860
- I'll be back.
- This guy's great.
501
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:15,930
Whoa.
502
00:16:15,990 --> 00:16:18,230
[Laughs] Oh, okay.
503
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,960
As a gay man who fought against prejudice,
504
00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:23,330
how can you honestly
espouse such outdated views?
505
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,070
Because as a gay cop,
506
00:16:25,140 --> 00:16:27,300
I realize not everybody can play the game.
507
00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:29,210
It's like Brian Urlacher.
508
00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:31,440
There wasn't a chick that could do his job,
509
00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:34,710
because he's a very large
man in a very violent game.
510
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:37,150
This isn't tennis, Billy Jean king.
511
00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:38,720
It's life or death.
512
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:43,090
And you gotta have a big
brass set of huge cojones.
513
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:46,390
Guys, guys, this is a wedding.
514
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,520
A gay wedding.
515
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:49,290
My first gay wedding.
516
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,160
And the only fighting should be us
517
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:54,660
fighting for our right to party.
518
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:56,530
You're right, Brian.
519
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,130
Let's dance.
520
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,440
Don't get anyone killed
out on the dance floor.
521
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,240
No.
522
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:04,440
I should really kick
your ass for saying that.
523
00:17:04,510 --> 00:17:06,610
What are you gonna do, you
gonna kick me in the nuts?
524
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,280
Aghh!
525
00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:14,120
You kicked me in my nuts.
526
00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:16,150
It's okay. I know what to do.
527
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:17,390
One, don't panic.
528
00:17:17,450 --> 00:17:18,660
Two, know that your testicles
529
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:20,560
will eventually return
to their normal size.
530
00:17:20,630 --> 00:17:22,690
And three is... ice.
531
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,960
I'll be right back.
532
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:29,610
Hey, Hank!
533
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:31,460
Alejandro, this is...
534
00:17:31,530 --> 00:17:33,060
The bigger, blacker version of me.
535
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:35,570
Hi, I've heard so much about you.
536
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:36,900
God, you are gorgeous,
537
00:17:36,970 --> 00:17:38,900
which of course means so am I.
538
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,440
- Yes, you are.
- Thank you for coming, Hank.
539
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:41,840
I know it was short notice,
540
00:17:41,910 --> 00:17:43,410
but I think it came together
pretty well, didn't it?
541
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,910
Who needs a year to plan a wedding?
542
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:45,910
Straight people.
543
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:47,650
[Laughter]
544
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:49,110
So, um...
545
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:52,180
Listen, sweetie, let's put
it all out on the table here.
546
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:54,080
When I first saw a picture
of you in Jeff's phone,
547
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:56,190
I thought, oh, my God,
548
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:58,960
am I just a stand-in here
when I wanted to be the star?
549
00:17:59,020 --> 00:18:01,730
But then I remembered it's
all about timing, baby.
550
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,530
He loved you, but you
weren't ready to settle down.
551
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:07,160
I was, so to us, to me especially,
552
00:18:07,230 --> 00:18:08,820
you'll always have
especial place in my heart.
553
00:18:08,890 --> 00:18:11,390
Because otherwise, I
never would to find him.
554
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,660
You're right, I wasn't ready.
555
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,560
And I was, to get married,
556
00:18:20,030 --> 00:18:20,760
to have kids.
557
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,930
We just adopted a little Chinese baby.
558
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:23,970
A girl.
559
00:18:24,030 --> 00:18:25,130
Oh, sweet, what's her name?
560
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,340
We wanna call her by her given name,
561
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,240
which is Ho-Wan-Ho.
562
00:18:28,310 --> 00:18:29,670
[Coughs]
563
00:18:29,740 --> 00:18:30,470
Cool.
564
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:32,240
You know what's a good girl's name?
565
00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,440
Colleen.
566
00:18:33,510 --> 00:18:35,810
Oh, I like that. It's easy to pronounce.
567
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,250
Every time I try to say
her name, I get a hairball.
568
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,550
[Chuckles]
569
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,720
Look, I came here today
to hold my head up high.
570
00:18:42,790 --> 00:18:44,990
And truthfully to see if
you were marrying Alejandro
571
00:18:45,060 --> 00:18:46,490
as a replacement for me.
572
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,120
I came here with all this attitude,
573
00:18:48,390 --> 00:18:50,530
as if this was all about me.
574
00:18:50,590 --> 00:18:54,360
Which, clearly, it wasn't.
575
00:18:54,430 --> 00:18:56,600
I couldn't be happier for the two of you.
576
00:18:56,670 --> 00:19:00,140
[Upbeat music]
577
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,910
This is our song, but it's
so nice to meet you, Hank.
578
00:19:02,970 --> 00:19:03,440
You too.
579
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,940
Come say hi to Ho-Wan-Ho.
580
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,710
Yes, I will.
581
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:13,950
♪ ♪
582
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:14,980
Yo!
583
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,220
Lost you there for a bit.
584
00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:17,890
- You all right?
- Yeah, bro, I'm good.
585
00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:19,090
- You sure?
- Yeah, man, I'm good.
586
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,190
- Okay.
- I'm good.
587
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,390
[Groans]
588
00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:25,190
Hey, guys, I'm using my new skill.
589
00:19:25,260 --> 00:19:27,100
[Both chuckle]
590
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,530
Fernando was looking for you.
591
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,330
Turns out you made quite the impression.
592
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:33,140
He wanted to give you his number.
593
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:33,640
Ooh.
594
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,170
How 'bout that? I got digits.
595
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:35,940
You got digits.
596
00:19:36,010 --> 00:19:36,970
And I think he's prettier than me.
597
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:37,610
Not a chance.
598
00:19:37,780 --> 00:19:39,740
Okay, so apply ice as needed.
599
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:42,310
Avoid strenuous activity
for the next few days.
600
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,210
Maybe stop underestimating women
601
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,280
or wear a cup.
602
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,050
It's your call.
603
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,180
How's he doing?
604
00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:49,620
Not gonna be patrolling the streets
605
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,020
on his bike anytime soon.
606
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:52,290
He's a bike cop?
607
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,120
You know, I'm really glad I
came to this with you guys.
608
00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,830
Jeff isn't marrying a
knock-off version of me.
609
00:19:57,890 --> 00:19:59,400
He's marrying a better version of me.
610
00:19:59,460 --> 00:20:01,000
What? That dude? No way.
611
00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:02,970
It's okay, bro. It doesn't
bother me, honestly.
612
00:20:03,030 --> 00:20:04,900
I realize now I really am over Jeff.
613
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:07,140
I don't want him. I just want what he has.
614
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,240
He found his soul mate. He found the one.
615
00:20:09,310 --> 00:20:11,810
That's what I want.
616
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,940
I'm done with random hookups, chasing tail.
617
00:20:14,010 --> 00:20:14,680
Done with it.
618
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,680
I want something meaningful,
something permanent.
619
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:18,710
I'm feeling some growth here today.
620
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,950
I do wanna get married, have a couple kids,
621
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:24,190
and I want the guy that I can stand up with
622
00:20:24,250 --> 00:20:25,990
in front of all my friends and family
623
00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:28,360
and say, "this is my man".
624
00:20:28,430 --> 00:20:29,560
"My soul mate".
625
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:31,930
That's why God put us on this earth.
626
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,400
I am a changed man. This
wedding has changed me.
627
00:20:35,470 --> 00:20:37,870
This is what happened to me today.
628
00:20:37,930 --> 00:20:39,600
Holy shit, look at that ass.
629
00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:40,370
I'll see y'all later.
630
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:41,800
Whoa, what about the speech you just gave
631
00:20:41,870 --> 00:20:43,170
and finding your soul mate?
632
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,870
Look, maybe this is him.
633
00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:47,280
I gotta start the search somewhere.
634
00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:50,350
- [Upbeat music]
- Hey, buddy, how are you?
635
00:20:50,410 --> 00:20:52,010
I love this song.
636
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,520
Well, then take my hand, my dear.
637
00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:56,020
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
638
00:20:56,090 --> 00:20:57,390
Ooh.
639
00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:59,790
You know, since I learned
to dance a little bit,
640
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,620
I'm, like, 20% less scared to get married.
641
00:21:01,690 --> 00:21:03,060
How drunk are you exactly?
642
00:21:03,130 --> 00:21:05,730
Uh, just about the right
exact amount, I think.
643
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,500
Whoo-hoo!
644
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:09,800
Look at this.
645
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:12,230
♪ ♪
646
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:14,300
What are you doing, Brian?
647
00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:15,400
The foxtrot.
648
00:21:15,470 --> 00:21:17,710
Nobody puts baby in a corner.
649
00:21:17,770 --> 00:21:25,720
♪ ♪